why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
