Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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