May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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