just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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