I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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