Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
