my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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