i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
