dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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