i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
