Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Randomize
