I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
