Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
