May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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