I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
