I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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