There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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