i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
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Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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