any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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