What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
