pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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