Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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