He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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