____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
