I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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