You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
vagina is talking i cant
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
