small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
