life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
