I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
