I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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