omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
