I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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