I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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