She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
