we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
