Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
