i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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