I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
