As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm always down for nudity.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
