So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
