The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
