That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
