I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
