shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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