turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
