More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
