he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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