i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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