i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
