not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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