My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
