You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
