I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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