Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
