i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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