All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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