He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
