it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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