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Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
