party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
