just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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