Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
