So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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