I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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