It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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