i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
