Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
