Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
