I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
