Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
someone owes me an orgasm
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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