There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
