my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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